Address small conflicts before they become catastrophic

"It" refers to addressing small interpersonal irritations (called "pinches") before they escalate into major conflicts ("crunches").

Talk about a pinch before it becomes a crunch, and then it becomes a much bigger deal. But most of the time we say it's not worth it. So I always tell students, okay, substitute the pronoun, substitute the word it for I, you, we. I'm not worth it, you're not worth it. We're not worth it.

If you don't give them the opportunity to hear what you have to say, if you don't bring this up, then you're never going to have the opportunity to help them see something differently or help them improve or help you improve the relationship or whatever it is you're trying to do.

The advice "that" refers to constructive performance feedback a manager had been avoiding giving to an employee who was underperforming.

The next day she came in and she said, 'Thank you so much for telling me that. I wish someone had told me that 15 years ago. I think I could have had a different career.'

If you can't fire someone, if you can't tell somebody their behavior is interfering with the ability to get things done, don't be a product manager. If you can't solve the fight between two of your coworkers, don't be a product manager.

Ask a question. Make an observation that you own. So if I said, 'I feel like there's something we're not talking about, and I wonder...' Oh, I own it.